Austin Journal (part 4)

How I Spent My Austin Vacation

by Steve Barr, AFF newbie

Part The Fourth


Thursday, October 20, 2005

It has been pointed out to me that Wordplayers Julie O and Tina weren't at the Driskill bar the first night, because they came into town the following morning and unfortunately neither of them have mastered the art of being in more than one place at one time.

(Unlike a few people at the panel sessions, who were either several sets of twins dressed alike, or who were all pretty damn quick on their feet, because they had a seemingly magical ability to ask annoying questions in two places at the same time.)

((Which gives me a great opportunity to give a shout-out to Wordplayer itself, and to the grizzled pros and partially-grizzled amateurs who hang out here. Not a single Wordplayer at the festival asked any annoying newbie questions ... because we know we can ask the annoying newbie questions here and save our semi-erudite questions for places like AFF round-tables and Hollywood BDSM parties.))

Notwithstanding the fact that Julie O and Tina couldn't possibly have been there the first night, I'm going to continue to say they were, because, fuck it, this is MY journal. If you want to say they weren't there, go to Austin and make your own goddamn journal.

One correction that I will make is that I think Wordplayer Susan Bays was there the first night. She's the head cheerleader for the AFF in California, and was always the Man with the Plan, except that she's a woman. Got a question about Austin? Ask Susan.

(As an aside, a few of us discovered Susan's real name while at the festival. It's a secret, though. You'll have to ask her. (I, for one, had no idea Susan had ever been to Japan.))

So, the first real day of the Austin Heart of Film (which is the screenwriters' conference side of the Austin Film Festival) starts late (at noon) with some opening remarks. Then there was a panel on "How To Get The Most Out Of The Festival" at 1:00 or so. Being AFF newbies, Danny and I wanted to go to both of those.

We both spontaneously woke up at about 9:30 (which was about 4 hours after we had gone to sleep) and saw that we had several hours left before the first panel, so we went back to sleep.

(By the way, Danny snores a little. It's not particularly loud or annoying, or even enough to keep you awake. Just enough that you dream of being a lumberjack.)

((Fair warning, ladies.))

We woke up again at about noon-thirty. So much for the first panel. We stumbled around getting presentable and made it downstairs in time for the second half of the HTGTMOOTF panel, which was essentially about not being an idiot or an asshole. Don't try to shove your script into everyone's hands. Don't try to monopolize an industry pro's attention. You may think you'll stand out from the rest of the pack if you are insulting to the panelists, and you'll be right, but it's not the kind of standing-out likely to lead to a three-picture deal with The New Miramax.

Look both ways before crossing the street. Wear a condom. Stay in school; don't do drugs; honor thy father and mother; covet not thy neighbor's ass. Agree upon a "safety word" before you put on the ball-gag. That kind of thing.

(As far as I can tell, every single one of these suggestions had been broken by about three hours later. Several of them by the same person. Simultaneously. But that's neither here nor there.)

Next: The Impotence of Genre

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